thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
