Pappa wants mamma naked
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
