he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
