I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
