I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
