i just wanna soil my oats bro
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
