when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
soo... how was my night?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize