No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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