Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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