i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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