Plan B is the new Plan A
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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