The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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