we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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