Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
