i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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