He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't deserve a penis
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
