he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want her autograph on my taint
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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