I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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