the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize