I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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