why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize