You're my little dorito
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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