Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I could fuck to npr.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
