I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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