Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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