it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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