I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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