wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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