I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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