Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
