You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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