I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
