Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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