It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
