She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We just shotgunned beers for America
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
