It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
