You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she was so not down for the gang bang
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
