this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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