I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
