the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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