Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Come see our sink grown plant.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
