im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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