yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
