and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
