i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize