We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
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