in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
