i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
