We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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