Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
