I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
