i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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