he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
