so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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