she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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