I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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