don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
