Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
