I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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