just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize