I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
