your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We need to get me chipped asap
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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