I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
