The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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