He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
