I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Rumble strips road head = magical
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
