I think i peed on brittanys purse
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What a dumb baby whore.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
