how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
