Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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