I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
