this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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