Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
