There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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