you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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