We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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