I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You're a waste of cheezeits
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
