Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
