id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my sisters under your porch take her home
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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