Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
