Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
