So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
