Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
