Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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