I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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