You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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