He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
