I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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