dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
