If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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