I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize