I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
