I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
