What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
