i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
