she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
